WHEN ADVICE IS NOT ENOUGH
Today, I’m going to share something deeply personal with you. It’s about how I personally manage stress and the reason I keep myself perpetually overwhelmed in the first place. The last few weeks we’ve been talking about managing stress through financial planning. It’s cool stuff. First, you do the hard work of finding vision and purpose, writing it down and maybe making some weird art about it. I encourage this.
Then you troubleshoot your money issues and align your spending and saving habits to honor and accomplish your vision. Then, you review your calendar and begin reducing or eliminating commitments that don’t reflect your vision, taking care not to cross into a place of selfish do-nothingness.
It’s good to regulate your time and money. After all, we value discipline as the core of success. But if it were easy to do, everybody would. Something stands between the knowledge and the result.
I thought about this after reading this very cool article by Anne-Laure Le Cunff at Ness Labs. In it, she explores the difference between burnout and boreout, which is in and of itself a very interesting topic, one I think you should read before scrolling all the way down to her postscript.
There she recommends that you listen to the signals your brain and body are sending you and recommends interoceptive journaling as sort of an early warning system for burnout.
I know a lot about interoceptive awareness because I have an eating disorder. In the normal course of events, I can’t hear or feel my body’s signals which, for me, is particularly true of feelings of stress and hunger.
Stress is a bad feeling that I’m comfortable with. Having it around constantly keeps my unwanted emotions at bay; nothing gets through that stress barrier, so I don’t have to think about it.
For me, therefore, stress is partly a choice; the lesser of two evils. I’m sure that’s why Cole sent me the above article from Ness Labs; he is always trying to help. And though I protect my stress fiercely, it’s still an unpleasant feeling that must be numbed. There enters food, a temporary panacea. Here you see the makings of this vicious cycle I’ve been ensnared in for decades. Doesn’t help that I’m an amazing cook.
Wondering why we’re talking about this? I’ll tell you. My caustic panacea is food, someone else may use money. If you can’t seem to control your budget, if you find yourself aimlessly spending money, or coming up short for emergencies, you might have a bigger problem, similar in nature to my eating disorder.
If so, the solution may not come from well-meaning advice or the jolt of shock that often accompanies an honest budget analysis. Please, please consult a mental health professional about the behavior and the underlying reasons for it.
If someone you love suffers in this way, please be kind to them. It’s impossible to accurately speak for an entire population, but my experience has been that most significantly fat people suffer from some kind of mental condition that impairs successful and sustained weight loss.
In periods of binge, I’ve often described it as the feeling of being trapped in a vehicle you are not driving. There’s no control. I imagine a similar condition exists for shopaholics and spendthrifts. From the outside, we simply cannot understand why someone can’t just not do the harmful thing. I mean, don’t they know better? Almost certainly, they do.
Because we understand the impact emotions and experience have on life, money, and habits, we absolutely withhold judgment on anyone suffering from these issues and recommend readers do the same. We Advocates care deeply for our clients, even those who may need extra care, and will offer what assistance we can to help find resolution and the joy of living your vision and values.